Craptions are Funny Image Captions from Cracked.com

Craptions are Funny Image Captions from Cracked.com

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stacey denman | Artwork Portfolio | ArtWanted.com

stacey denman | Artwork Portfolio | ArtWanted.com

HUD Streamline Your FHA Mortgage

HUD Streamline Your FHA Mortgage

Petfinder Adoptable Dog | Boxer | Plano, TX | Sophie

Petfinder Adoptable Dog | Boxer | Plano, TX | Sophie:

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Hunters in Our Schools and Offices: The Origin of ADHD | Thom Hartmann - News & info from the #1 progressive radio show

Hunters in Our Schools and Offices: The Origin of ADHD | Thom Hartmann - News & info from the #1 progressive radio show:

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ADHD - disordered minds or old souls? | Thom Hartmann - News & info from the #1 progressive radio show

ADHD - disordered minds or old souls? | Thom Hartmann - News & info from the #1 progressive radio show

For My Big, Little Brother « missriki

For My Big, Little Brother « missriki:

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Hunters and Farmers

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Why can't I own....

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Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim

So me

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Neil Pasricha: The 3 A's of awesome | Video on TED.com

Neil Pasricha: The 3 A's of awesome | Video on TED.com

Adoption & Truth

Mashama by stacey denman | ArtWanted.com

Mashama by stacey denman | ArtWanted.com

World of WifeCraft

The Doctor's Office - Mrs. Hughes - Comedy Time

Tori Amos - Time

Cathal by stacey denman

Mom Raps About Foreclosure

'Til Death - ChickComedy

Wrinkled Ladies

Vicious Cycle- "You People" Official Music Video

Anjelah Johnson - Held Up at Gun Point

The Fat Lady - Chick Comedy

Al Seckel: Your brain is badly wired — enjoy it!

Prescription

       A nice, calm and respectable woman went into a pharmacy, looked the pharmacist straight in his eyes & said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The woman replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! My license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! No! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Why do I?

Why do I have a blog? Why do i have a web page? Am I that cocky to think that anyone wants to read my words and musings?

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis of sorts - but now I don't want to do anything unless it helps someone or makes a difference. Perhaps it's my lack of being a parent but I am all the sudden looking for ways I can leave a mark. Ways I can HELP. So far the best I have come up with is registering to be a blood marrow donor...which if called I will do with a huge smile on my face.

Please comment...

Leanth

by Stacey Denman

Anita Renfroe - my new hero!

Awesome sunset at the ranch!

Within

I sense mammoth thoughts within the fire
So violet beside the dreamscape
I expel odorous wraiths beyond the shadows
Strangely red against the clouds
After how many voyages does
The hero eventually lose her way
Eventually the white horse will die
Only craving the presence of a steady partner
Always trusting and hungry- she is fading
Any wind that blows may break her
One day very invisible above the rain
The queen will come when not expected
Open-eyed, unseeing but not lost
In broad daylight sun on her face
I sense mammoth thoughts within the fire
So violet beside the dreamscape
I will know then my journey had worth

By Stacey Denman

Cooper's Sunset

Curious

I don't want to pretend I am the only lonely one-
I don't want to really whine or bitch either.
Just sometimes when things are coming undone-
I just feel like she is suppose to be here.

Then I am curious where she could possibly be-
Feeling crazy missing someone I haven't met.
And I am curious if she also misses me,
I wonder why we haven't found the other yet.

Many nights she is right there in my dreams,
Though I can't see her face I know I love her.
And for just a bit nothing is coming apart at the seams-
But by noon that feeling is but a mere blur.

By Stacey Denman

Respect

I have always been the poet-
Good with the written word,
when it comes to you though
My muse gives me the bird.
I have typed out so may lines-
Only to turn around and delete,
What is it about you that
Makes my paragraphs incomplete?

I can't say it's intimidation-
I would have never even tried.
I have been down that road-
Never again will I be denied.
No it's more like admiration,
A deep down sense of respect.
Just wanting to say just the things
You will not soon forget.

By Stacey Denman

Recent Digital Art

Letting go

I know I should let you go
There is dust on everything we've created
You were my only for so long
I failed to see you would become out dated
So much time spent together
I shared with you my dreams of my future
Now you just collect dust
Another neglected desktop computer

By Stacey Denman

My special kitty

Every morning Tivo - my youngest kitten- begs for me to turn the sink on just enough so it drips :
different day:

Soul Moving On

Humor Me - Ramblings by Stacey

I am beginning to see that God, or whatever high power one believes in, has quite the sense of humor. I don't know if this is an age thing, but here are some things to think about.

In no particular order.

Acne, aka zits. Why is it so fun to pop these little guys? And why is it even more fun to pop someone elses? Don't deny it.

Tanning. This one is a good one. Let's make these things called humans, but some of them, let's make them think they look better when they have a glow.

Oh the odd "cracks" you get sometimes in places that are specifically designed to be bendable - get your mind out of the gutter - I am talking about the corners of you lip and between your toes. There is no pain quiet forgetting you are not quite in the position to open up wide for that chip with mega hot salsa.

I love the concept that we think we know everything when we are eighteen, only to realize we had no idea. You would think it would be the other way around. Think you didn't act like that- have a conversation with any eighteen year old.

I laugh at the fact everyday that people think that being gay is a chosen lifestyle. I say this is jest, but even I am not crazy enough to have made a decision to like women. I think someone upstairs put a little variety in the human soup, for humor and to give some of those straight guys a much needed queer eye.

To be continued.....one day.....

Rough draft of my bio I will never finish - feedback welcome

In my heart I am as good as Stephen King - but truth being while I have the talent for coming up with plots - like many projects in my life most of my stories never get finished. Anyway people have been telling me for years now I should write a book, like they think my life is something for the next big box office draw. On the advice of my friends I have started - but please understand the is the very first draft.

Everything That Counts
Part One

I suppose there are a few reasons in me deciding to write about my life, two stand out though. One, my love of other peoples biographies and two, so many people have told me I should write a book about my life.
I don’t think my life is the next Hollywood movie blockbuster, to me it has just always been my life. I have felt so lucky to have lived my life and everything I have gone through- God has really blessed me in thousands of ways. If I can help one person with my story it will be worth it- and I hope you find it entertaining as well.

I certainly made my entrance into my life just as Stacey-like as could be- my Mom was in town alone when she got the call from the lawyer telling her she could come get her baby girl. Even in 1974 adoptions didn’t happen has fast as mine did- my future parents hadn’t even bought me a crib or diapers yet. My Mom paged my Dad who was in Lubbock and then went to pick me up- I was all of four days old.
She has told me that it was the strangest feeling- the lawyer just handing me over the desk. I wasn’t very pretty at the time either- I had scratched all my face up with my fingernails. I have often wondered what she felt having a baby out of nowhere that day- especially after getting me less than a year to the day of my brother’s death.
Anthony was my parent’s first- and the only time they tried for one of their own. A wonderfully happy angel of a soul- he was born with numerous problems and never really grew past being a baby. My Mom had taken care of a baby for four years, and even with his sweetness, Anthony hurt really bad sometimes and he never learned to speak. I know Mom and Dad were devastate- my Mom in particular. My Meme eventually came to Mom’s rescue somewhat and forced my Mom to start doing things again.
Mom stayed at home the first 3 to 4 years of my life, and she even started to keep a baby journal. It didn’t last long because although I was a very happy baby who could entertain herself for hours- I was also independent and would get my self into all sorts of scrapes. Mom said I was climbing before I could walk and she couldn’t hardly turn her back on me. When I was one I pulled a fully flocked Christmas tree onto myself, poor Mom- I know I scared her to death many times. Despite my adventures I was an easy baby to raise and would become quite the child full of surprises.
One of my first memories with my Dad stands out pretty clear. Meme had sewn me a superman cape and evidently I thought I could fly. So when my Dad walked out with me to go to the store I imagine it must have been a surprise when I proceeded to run and try to fly off our front porch. I remember sticking in the ER and I guess the waits were long too back then because my Mom left with me after a few hours- she didn’t want them to have to pull apart the cuts since they had dried. So they took me home and Mom put butterflies on my forehead- to this day you can still see my scars.
They turned out to be the start of many- I turned out to be quite the tomboy and could probably go on with stories of my misadventures. My accidents and some of the quirks I had as a kid would have been easily diagnosed in today’s world- but back then no one knew what ADD was- much less girls could have it.
As I got older it became pretty clear I was independent and there was no really getting me to do what I didn’t want too. A good example would be my three years of eating nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Most people would say don’t give in to your child- she will eat when she gets hungry enough- but that didn’t apply to me. See I would have starved to death first- there was no budging me. Even at restaurants my parents had to bring a pb&j. After three years though they laid their foot down hard (and I was getting sick of the sandwiches) when out with Meme at a nice restaurant I tried to order a bullshit sandwich.
My room was also always a battle spot for my Mom and I- she couldn’t get me to pick up and clean without threatening to come in and do it herself. I would spend all day Saturdays in my room trying to clean- only to have my Mom walk in and find me looking at my pictures or playing with my toys. She eventually gave in and just told me to make a path from my door to my bed- still she couldn’t help but come in once and awhile and clean. When Mom came into to clean my room it was time to hide too- she would get so flustered and yell at me. Course I didn’t really mind because I loved the way my room felt when she was done- I loved it being all clean and organized. As I got older each time she cleaned it I would swear to myself I would keep it clean- and I failed miserably most of the time. I didn’t understand how cleaning came so easily to her- she would have the house clean from top to bottom in half a Saturday, yet it took me all day to do my room.
Other than a few quirks however, I was a really good kid. Polite, respectful and funny- adults loved me. My friends parents loved me and when I started going to Dandi Play School my teachers loved me. I didn’t have many girls as friends but I did great with the boys playing football and Star Wars. It wasn’t till first grade really that I noticed how different I was from the girls. Add that to a teacher who didn’t really like me and my name on the board everyday with three checks- I really wondered if something was wrong with me. Second grade was much better thanks to Ms. Howard- she would be the first of just a few teachers who took an active interest in me. Though my report cards still came home with talks to much in class and fails to live up to potential I didn’t mind as much because of a teacher who cared.
Third grade was a total disaster. Not only did I have this thing called homework- I also had another teacher whom I perceived didn’t like me. Add to that the fact that I was not fitting into a social area at all except when I played soccer with the boys- it’s no wonder I acted out. Amarillo was very much a place where you had to fit in with a class and if you weren’t a prep or shit kicker or stoner - you were ostrazied. My parents, thank god pulled me out of public school my fourth grade year and sent me to San Jacinto Christian Academy where I really got the attention I needed and some of the friends.
Halfway through my sixth grade year evil girls and the stereotype thing came to bite me in the ass. After being picked on by both girls and teachers, my Mom yanked me out so fast it was amazing. The second half of six grade was awesome even in public school, I was way ahead of others my age and aced most of my courses. I didn’t even try sticking with a crowd- I did what I wanted and if I needed to hang out with someone I hung out with my parents. I started writing poems and stories too and really dove into reading. I also became involved with the youth group at church and found that I fit in quite well with the people about four years older than me.
Seventh and eighth grade were far from perfect but I made two really good friends, Shelly and Angie. We played on the volleyball and basketball teams and I was pretty happy those two years.
My freshman year was probably the worst year of my life and it all started with me not making the volleyball team. I knew right off the bat it was because I didn’t fit in- I was only one of two girls who was cut and she didn’t fit in either. I was crushed- athletics had become my life and gave me a place to shine and be a part of the team. The afternoon I found out I remember my Dad coming into my room and holding me for at least an hour while I bawled. I could have handled it had I known I sucked- but I didn’t and I knew it. By the time ninth grade was over with I had 1.5 credits, and had we stayed in Amarillo there is not telling what I would have become.
My parents were working for a place called the Blindmaker summer of my sophomore year and they were asked to go run a plant in Phoenix, Arizona. So off we went to live in what seemed forever away from Amarillo. The moment I stepped out of the airport I fell in love with Phoenix- it was the start of a new life.

Part 2
My parents rented a house in Tempe and I simply loved it. We had a pool and a sun room and within walking distance a dollar theater.
When Mom and I went up to the high school to register I was scared and had no idea what to predict. My parents were wonderful in forgiving my freshman year but they made it well known I was to double up my sophomore year. So my whole sophomore year I took both 9th and 10th grade classes and by the end of the year managed to pull off enough credits to be a junior. Going to high school there was nothing like being in Amarillo- both from the teaching perspective and the social perspective. I met my best friend Rosie that year and we hit it off great. I also started band- I had played percussion for years. It was too late for me to march but I was enthralled- band out there is almost like football in Texas. The first time I saw the band marched I was enthralled- and I knew I had found my passion…lol and I dragged Rosie with me- even though she had no musical experience.
Towards the end of the year we had the tryouts for the drum line- and it was no small drum line. Five basses, six snares, three quads, four cymbals and a ten piece pit ended up being our final count. I made the second bass and Rosie made the cymbal line. The most magical year of my life started at band camp the summer before my junior year- and also the year of major changes and figuring out why and the reasons behind why I did some of the things I did.
Our drum line was best in the southwest, we scored above excellent every time. We won the state PAS competition hands down and that got us a ticket to compete in the ballroom of the Disney Land hotel against high caliber drum lines from UNLV and UT of Denton- we were pumped and I was high on life. My grades still struggled but I managed to pass for the most part. The hammer dropped when my Mom told me if I had anything less than a C on my report card I could not go to compete with the drum line in California. I tried as best as I could but when I found out I would be getting a D in biology I was beside myself.
Rather than face my parents and be banned from going on the trip, I decided I was going to run away. I decided I was going to drive to the mountains and live off the land! Well I packed a bag one night when my parents were gone and went out to the truck they had bought me that I was still learning to drive- except there was one problem- my Dad had parked behind me and it was a standard. It took one lunge of the truck and running into the garage door to convince me I was better off by foot. I walked forever till I got to a gas station by the school when I finally decided to call my friend Debbie. Not ten minutes later her and her Mom pulled up and talked me into the van were I burst into tears and spilled my guts out. Debbie’s mom was awesome in calling my Mom and talking to her about how I felt. I will never forget the look on my Mom’s face when she brought me a change of clothes, she was really hurt. It was a turning spot though, it became obvious that I was trying my best. I took a stand that night and refused to go home- I was desperate to show my parents I did the best I could.
It just happened that one of my friends in band had a Dad who was a shrink and overhearing my Mom and Debbie’s mom talking offered to see me for free. Our insurance didn’t cover it and my parents couldn’t afford it- and Dr. Brennan’s kind offer changed my life. I think my parents and I were terrified the first visit- but in his peaceful office we relaxed. He took a history from my parents..then he gave me an assement- in which almost every question I said yes. At the end he explained that I had ADD and how my brain worked and how it wasn’t my fault- I was simply wired differently. He wrote out a prescription for despermine and sent us on our way. I remember we went to eat at benigns and sat out on the porch all of us in awe. My parents felt guilty for punishing me and I was trying to digest what I had heard.
The second half of my junior year- for the first time ever I made the honor rolls. The medicine worked wonders- however I wasn’t too fond of it. It made me feel out of it and my Mom had to hound me to take it. I also found my other saving grace that year when I started working at Burger King. Not only was I good- I excelled, becoming a team lead within three months. All the sudden the girl who my Mom called lazy and irresponsible had keys and was in charge of a real store. I loved my job and it was there I met Bythe, a young store manager who not only took interest in me, but challenged me every time we worked together.

I look back and am amazed by the wonderful people God has brought into my life- and in my late teenage years he blessed me with a woman who would fundamentally shape me and my work ethic and who believed in me more than I felt from my own parents. Later on I was blessed with a family for awhile that took me in when my parents divorced. Eventually I baby sat Bythe’s daughter on a regular basis and spent many nights at her house with her and Darren and Tonya, Bythe’s sister.

The magic carried on into the summer before my senior year. For the first time I had a really hot boyfriend who just happened to be best friends with Rosie’s boyfriend. We spent many a night driving around listening to Nirvana and making out on golf courses. I wanted it to last forever but it didn’t. My boyfriend Chris dumped me two weeks into my senior year- he didn’t like being second to band and BK and I wasn’t about to give either up for a boy- even if he was drop dead handsome. No sooner than he dumped me he went back to his previous girlfriend who treated him like shit. I was devastated and really sunk myself into work and band. It was a pretty good start to a year that would end without me not graduating and living with roommates.

Mom always gave Dad fair warning since I could recall- the day I turned 18 she was leaving him. They had always fought since I was little and I knew Mom wasn’t happy at all. You can try to analyze and go over their marriage and what went wrong- but in the end it boiled down to the fact they were better friends than wife and husband. My Dad didn’t see it that way and I don’t think he really thought she would leave. For my eighteenth birthday we ate dinner together for the last time.

Selfish Thing

A poem seems to be a very selfish thing-
You sit and write about your pain-
How it affects everything you do-
And all the things you wish you knew-
All the things you fail to see-
And how everything is supposed to be.
All these things you sit and write-
Its how a poet knows to fight.

You could write poems about other things,
But it’s the selfish poem that really stings-
At least one person who reads it will relate-
And for a moment they can escape.
Still it is a selfish thing to do-
To sit there and write all about you.
Something that has gone for many years-
It’s how a poet sheds their tears.

By Stacey Denman

Baby Demons

Too busy chasing those baby demons-
What my problems are can’t really see them.
The smallest thing becomes a tragedy –
Can’t stop over analyzing everything.

Not sure exactly where to go –
Those baby demons sure seem to know.
They chase me around every corner-
Makes it worse if I go slower.

Sometimes they get me wondering-
And they always have me pondering-
What was meant by what was said,
Million thoughts run around my head.

Few know what goes on in my heart-
Where I’m from, how I got my start-
And why I chase those babies all the time-
And why my mind thinks in rhymes.

Those who know me seem to understand-
They just reach out to hold my hand,
Knowing it’s not the thrill of the chase-
Just the course of my usual day.

By Stacey Denman

Test of the phone blog thing..1..2..3

Two of my newest art pieces

http://www.cafepress.com/denmandigital/4090488

First Blog

Welcome to my blog - have no idea why or how you got here - but I hope you enjoy…..

I have not really decided exactly what i want to do with my blog - I want to do it all..so if you found me - stick with me -I won't be boring anyway....